Brad Johnson got confused and went from the wrong "ball"...
Apologies for to anyone who reads this blog for not posting Part 2 of the weekend wrap. Time – we all wish we had more of it! Or maybe I need a different way of doing those posts as they can take 2-3 hours to do sometimes (finding all the right stats can be a pain the arse, not to mention a bad case of procrastination from time to time…). Regardless I’m hoping that’s a once off and the updates will continue!
Anyway let’s get in to the predictions for the weekend ahead…
Western Bulldogs vs. St. Kilda: The only decent thing to come out of the weekend for the Saints was Stephen Milne sticking his hand up his arse to kick one of the goals of the century! Seriously, he’ll never do that again. What WILL happen again is Kosi doing sweet FA for the Saints, for their fans to get upset and for Ross Lyon to proclaim that the big fella is “doing enough”. Bollocks. Stick me in a forward pocket and I’d do more than Kosi! Should be a half decent game though, with Barry Hall to maul and eat Zac Dawson by half way through the second term.
North Melbourne vs. Melbourne: I might have to get a box of Kleenex for Brad Scott going by this article – HERE! I have no idea what he is doing here, as his claim that “Melbourne got good picks and we didn’t so we had to work harder wah wah wah” is a little off. Check the stats:
Of Melbourne’s “top picks”, Tom Scully and Jack Trengove from the 2009 draft played, while their other picks didn’t. From the 2008 draft, their top 3 picks Jack Watts, Sam Blease and James Strauss did not play. From the 2007 draft, only Jack Grimes (pick 14) played (and he was taken with a pick that was traded for Travis “Moses” Johnstone”) while Cale Morton and Addam Maric did not. To go with this, Jamie Bennell who was taken late in the 2008 draft played. So, um, yeah… it’s not the kids Brad. It’s the middle tier and veterans leading the way. Shame you don’t really have any outside of Boomer and “Pinocchio” Rawlings.
Adelaide vs. Port Adelaide: Let me make it clear that I have ZERO confidence in Port. It’s just that Adelaide STINK to high heaven and, well, surely Port can win at AAMI after last week…. can’t they? And as a side note, am I the only one who is totally pissed off with the output of Kurt Tippett this year? He has slaughtered my Supercoach team and he isn’t worth trading and… nope, I can’t go on about it. It’s ruining my night!
Essendon vs. Hawthorn: What was I saying about Port? Well it applies to Hawthorn here. Maybe they will go and drop Lance Franklin one minute before the game? Or take someone out of the game at quarter time because of a grazed knee? The AFL gave them a “naughty naughty” slap on the backside for what they did last week with Renouf and I reckon they are spot on. Shame they didn’t penalise them somehow.
And as a side note… Essendon are shithouse!
Sydney vs. Brisbane Lions: This should be a terrific game and I’m interested to see who can kick more goals – Big Fev or Bradshaw against his old club. I’ll back Bradshaw, especially with Merrett not playing. And speaking of Fev, apparently last week against the Dees he walked by Joel Macdonald and claimed that the “TV was in the bag” if he was playing on him, to which Macdonald replied “At least I have a house to put one in!” Gold!
Geelong vs. Richmond: After losing all their points, the Storm are evens to win the wooden spoon. Richmond are the same odds to lose this game, and I believe people would rather back the Storm than the Tigers. Not surprised. Ablett could have 60 touches and kick 8 goals this weekend.
Carlton vs. Collingwood: God I hate Carlton. God I hate Collingwood. God I hate this game. How did Carlton beat Geelong by the way? No forwards and a piss poor backline and they rolled the reigning premiers by 6 goals. I still can’t work it out. Pies to win though.
West Coast vs. Fremantle: I have to give Fremantle some props here… they keep on keeping on, even if they allowed the Tigers to kick 6 in the first quarter. Have they finally recruited properly for once? Possibly. On the other side of that the Eagles are struggling to kick goals and struggling to STOP teams kicking goals. Nic Nat crashed back to Earth and… actually…
Is it just me or does Chris Masten, pick 3 in the 2007 draft, look a bit like a bust? He stunk against the Swans and to be honest he hasn’t show anything to suggest he deserved to be taken then. But he’s good mates with Nisbett, so, you know… wink wink, nudge nudge!
Adelaide Crows: X-Factor. Many teams have it while others don’t. I think we can safely lump the Adelaide Crows into the “don’t” category. After bursting out of the blocks early with the first few goals they withered and died right before our eyes, allowing the Dogs to do as they pleased for the rest of the night. Don’t let the scores fool you when you see that the Crows hung around for a while – they were never in it and they lack someone with X-Factor to not only turn a game but steer them in the right direction. The stats for the game can be decieving as well. The Crows only had 9 less possessions, had more inside 50′s (47-42) and laid more tackles (65-60) than the Dogs, yet they continually lacked a forward target and they continually turned the ball over.
Said Brett Burton: “I thought we started the game really well and were really positive then we burnt the ball. We were getting opportunities but just weren’t using the ball well.”
And there in lies the problem. You can have all the ball you want, but if you can’t use it, you’ll inevitably lose games of footy. The Dogs had a big target up forward in Barry Hall and their midfielders ran harder all night long. But surely Finals are out of the question now… aren’t they? Not according to Burton:
“Mathematically we are [in the finals race], but for us it’s about getting back to good form. We’re losing by large amounts so finals are the last thing we’re thinking about at the moment.”
Riiiiiiiight. You have about us much mathematical chance of making the finals as Albert Einstein does of coming back to life and working out whether or not Caster Semenya is a man or not. In fact, I don’t think even Einstein could do that, which shows you how much chance the Crows have of making the finals. None. Their cause is not helped by
Kurt Tippett: He is either injured or playing like a guy who just signed a big, long term contract. I’m going with the latter. He might have kicked 3 goals but he only had 7 touches for the night and little influence on the game for the fifth time this year. And, you know, they have only played five games. Get it? If they are to win any games this year Tippett needs to do SOMETHING. Just do anything Kurt! Belt someone, celebrate a goal Harbhajan Singh style complete with a roll on the wing. It’s certainly better than what he’s doing now which isn’t much.
West Coast Eagles: This was probably the easiest game to predict this weekend. Apart from the game above. After rolling Essendon, getting their first win on the board and having Nic Nat selected as the Rising Star for the round (more on him later), they got smashed by a rampant Swans side that is taking all before them (more on that later too!). The Eagles had just the 290 disposals compared to the Swans’ 414, yet this alone doesn’t tell the whole story. The pressure and size of the ground didn’t allow the Eagles to get any sort of run going, as they had only the 90 handballs to the Swans 207. It gave them more inside 50′s but, what it didn’t give them, was the time to hit a target up forward.
You could say alot of it was down to the forward line. Well, John Worsfold thinks it is anyway and he laid the blame soley at the feet of… Mitch Brown?
“A big part of that is personnel and Mitch Brown wasn’t up to it today compared to what (Quinten) Lynch and (Ash) Hansen have brought this year. We have looked at him as a player who should be starting to play a role.”
Being compared to Lynch is one thing, but being compared to Ashley “Hamstring” Hansen and his efforts in the Eagles forward line could almost be one of the biggest slaps in the face you could give a guy. But apart from Josh Kennedy (3 goals), no-one gave them an option up forward. Mark Lecras didn’t register a goal, so why doesn’t he get compared to, say, Ronnie Burns? Be consistent John, please!
Nic Naitanui: Am I the only one who is sick to death of hearing about this guy? Honestly the buzz around him has reached ridiculous levels and it’s fair giving me the shits. So it’s without an evil grin that I make mention of the “game” Nic Nat put in at the SCG yesterday – to offset his 7 tackles he had just 5 touches and only had the 14 hitouts. Now, for a guy that has a leap that can “clear tall buildings”, shouldn’t he be getting his hand of the footy just a little more than that?
Mark Seaby: Way to show the Eagles they should never had let you go – Dean Cox had 15 touches, 6 marks and a lazy 27 hitouts (not to mention a goal) while Seaby had 11 touches, just 1o hitouts and, um, 5 clangers. I spoke to Worsfold last night and he had this to say:
“I’m not losing any sleep about the Seaby trade, let me give you the tip!!” (editors not – Worsfold may not have actually said this, but we know he’s thinking it!) and
Sydney Swans: The new ladder leaders are the talk to the town because they have beaten… Adelaide, North Melbourne, West Coast and Richmond. Do you see a common theme here? Two of these sides are winless and the other two have just the 1 win for the season. Don’t shoot the messenger, I’m just pointing out the facts. The Swans have Brisbane at the SCG next week – no doubt this will show us if the Swans are the real deal. Speaking of Brisbane…
FitzroyBrisbaneLions Paddlepop Lions: Don’t lie and tell me you saw this coming. Melbourne had been handy over the last few weeks but the Lions were coming off a rather good victory over the Doggies and were undefeated, not to mention the fact that Brown and Fevola show was rolling along sensational. And then it crumbled all around them. The Dees hammered the Lions in so many areas on Saturday night that it was almost comical – Melbourne had 9 more inside 50′s, 30 more touches and used the corridor like it was a training drill at the junction oval minus the goal posts. And just for the record I HATE the tackle stat – if you saw the game on Satuday night would you have believed the Lions laid 94 tackles to Melbourne’s 66? No, I didn’t think so. Sometimes people rant and rave about this stat but if you are laying that many more tackles than the opposition then it simply means you are continually second to the ball. Which the Lions were all night. And Vossy wasn’t happy!
Said Voss: “It was a largely inept performance, really, when you look at it. It was embarrassing … it was the way we played that was the embarrassing part. I thought they (Melbourne) put their head over the footy more, they wanted the footy more, they ran harder, they had the courage to run [and] they spread quicker.”
Indeed. Am I the only one who can imagine Vossy going completely ape shit at his players after a game? Like he misses sledging people on the footy field so he takes it out on his players? One man who he can point the finger at is….
Jonathan Brown: You could take Browny’s game two ways – Lion fans would cry foul and say that he was clearly injured and that hurt his performance. That’s true. But if you are clearly injured then why bloody play? He hurt them WAY more by playing than sitting it out, but after his comments during the week he had no choice. Forgotten what he said about a groin complaint and possibly surgery? Well, here it is again:
“Absolute bullshit. And you can quote me on that!”
After saying that the big fella had no choice but to put himself out on the park. He had just 8 disposals and one goal, and James Frawley gave him an absolute bath, the likes of which Travis Johnstone could use. But Vossy was adamant that the champ was right to go:
“He’s fit enough; he’s right to go,” Voss said. “It (the reason for the loss) wasn’t Jonathan Brown’s fitness, it was certainly the way we moved the ball.”
Fit enough? He moved slower than my 104 year old grandma getting out of bed in the morning. It was such a load of bullshit that you could see something brown dribbling down Vossy’s lip!
St. Kilda: Doesn’t the Riewoldt injury hurt now lads? The Saints could only muster 6 goals in an embarrasing loss to a team that lost by 95 points the week before. Read that again if you need to. But the previously undefeated Saints couldn’t find anyone to kick their goals and they got rolled. And I can guarantee you that this won’t be the last time it happens to the Saints this year. How can you cover the loss of Roo? Simple: You can’t.
I want to point at the stats here but they don’t tell you too much – Power had a few more possessions, a few more inside 50′s and, in the end, a few more scores to get them over the line. Hell, even their disposal efficiencies were almost identical. But Port simply had a few more avenues to goal when it counted.
Ross Lyon had this to say: “We just couldn’t find an avenue to goal … and struggled to take marks inside 50.”
Never a truer word spoken Ross.
Justin Koschitzke: He is close to being the most useless big man in the competition. Big Kosi had 11 touches, 4 marks and no goals, not to mention dropping a sitter in the square with the game on the line. Seriously, who would want him in their side? Richmond? The Melbourne Storm maybe? That’s about it. No-one was more important to their side than Kosi on Saturday night and he flopped like he normally does. Or faints. Take your pick.
Stephen Milne: I hate the little rat but bloody hell is this a ripper:
Jason Akermanis: I’ll finish Part 1 by taking a look at the biggest mouth in the AFL, rivalled only by Newman and Fevola. Yep, it’s Aker. Apparently we have some serious divers in the AFL. Please, tell us more Jason!
“Unfortunately for Kane he’s been doing it for many years and he’s not the only one … and the players know [who they are],” Akermanis said. “Didak, I mean these kind of guys, you’ve got Leon Davis. And the umpires know it and they detest it.”
Had the umpired over for dinner to find out how much they detest it have we Aker? Hmmmm. You don’t do it though do you?
“I’m a player who doesn’t like [staging]. I mean, I earn every bloody free kick anyway [but] what are these blokes doing when they’re staging to get one?” he said. “Oh man, it looks bad on them and it looks bad on the game. It is a tough, hard game.”
Earn every free kick? Don’t like staging? Bull and Shit. Do us all a favour and stick to playing rather than telling us what’s on your mind every 5 minutes. And anyway, why does Aker have to weigh in on these issues all the time?
Just a quick one for the Friday night – “Rocket” Eade delivering a tirade of abuse straight after the team song to his “favourite” player, Brian Harris Lake:
When you watch a video like this you begin to understand why Lake took so long to commit to the Doggies. Yeah, they are a Top 4 side pushing for a flag but it’s rather clear that Rodney Eade looks upon him as some sort of bastard child that was a mistake from a one night stand he wishes he could forget. Lake smashed Buddy that day yet still incurs a wrath that brings back memories of Old Testamant God. Sheesh!
Enjoy your weekend and keep an eye out for the Round 5 awful wrap.
Ryan Houlihan doesn't seem all that happy about Adelaide going in his back door...
Before I start with this week’s predictions I think we need to once again take a look at Andrew Lovett. I don’t know what this guy’s problem is but… I think you just need to take a look at this article ——> HERE! To be brutally honest here I’m sick to death of not only writing about Andrew Lovett but hearing about him as well. He’s alleged to have raped a woman back in December and St. Kilda sacked him for it. I would have thought that was fair considering his record. Hell, if I was alleged of something like that I’d probably have been given the arse from my job as well.
But St. Kilda offered him $300,000 to walk away and he declined. So the club sacked him. Hey, you only get one chance at the cash. But now Lovett, like a petulant kid, is sueing the club, the AFL and the grievance tribunal as well. What a wanker. Just tuck your tail between your legs and walk away is my advice. You did the wrong thing, so accept it. St. Kilda didn’t need that kind of publicity and distraction and rightly flicked you from their list. The only thing that can save Lovett here is if he is acquitted of the charges – if that’s the case I’ll happily make an Andrew Lovett day and talk about how great he is. But until that day he’s juse a 5 year old girl crying over the fact that she lost her Barbie doll, even though it was her fault.
Anyway, on to the weekend’s games and predictions…
Western Bulldogs vs. Adelaide: Oh dear. This one could get ugly, and get ugly quickly. I really enjoy a few beers and the footy on a Friday night after a long week at work, but this could quite possibly be the most boring game so far this season. The Dogs will be hurting after the Lions pulled their pants down in the second half last week and the Crows are beginning to peck away at Neil Craig’s face. And I’m not kidding either – if they continue like this for any longer Neil Craig will start to get death threats.
Sydney vs. West Coast Eagles: Ooooooooh, it’s the big return game for Mark Seaby!!! Cox and Nic Nat better watch out!! Gimme a break. The Eagles got their first win on the board agains the Bombers. Excuse me if I don’t do any cartwheels over that. The Swans look good and should win this comfortably, but not before the media gets on a huge boner everytime Nic Nat goes anywhere in the vicinity of the football.
Melbourne vs. Brisbane Lions: So apparently Jonathon Brown won’t be playing this weekend… but not according to Browny. Here is what he had to say when the media asked him about his groin and if it needed surgery:
“Absolute bullshit, and you can quote me on that!”
Thanks Browny, I will. It won’t make too much difference though as the Lions should account for the Demons without too many problems. The Dees play the G well but, really, they shouldn’t get close here.
Port Adelaide vs. St. Kilda: Check out my analysis of the Dogs vs. Crows game and you’ll get a fair idea of this one, except the saving grace for the Power is that this game is at AAMI, not at Etihad. The Saints are a well oiled machine and, while I expect the Power to have a huge crack after last week’s debacle, they won’t get within 5 goals of the Saints.
Collingwood vs. Essendon: I really don’t know what to make of this game. The Pies are playing pretty good footy while the Bombers look terrible. But, much like the Carlton game, the Bombers always seem up for the Anzac Day clash and I wouldn’t put an upset past them. Having said that, after last week’s game I can’t tip the Bombers, so I’ll go with Mick “I’ll lie no matter how stupid I look” Malthouse’s mob.
Hawthorn vs. North Melbourne: There is a small part of me that feels sorry for James Brayshaw. Even though I think he’s an annoying little twat, he does have a fair crack for his footy club and they just don’t give a stuff. No members, no money and really, no prospect of finals footy for a while to come. Not good times ahead for North. Meanwhile, Hawthorn will have at least two players reported and kick more behinds than points… but still win the game. Figure that one out.
Fremantle vs. Richmond: I feel sick. If Fremantle don’t win this game by AT LEAST 10 goals, then they are just the Fremantle of old. This one could get very ugly. At least Richard Tambling is over being compared to Buddy Franklin. Good for you Richard – it’s just a shame that Tiger fans hate you and will never get over it. But they can rest assured you are, so I guess that’s something.
Carlton vs. Geelong: Judd is now back in the Carlton line up and they have a midget forward line running rampant, so naturally people once again start crapping on about how they don’t need Fevola. Bollocks. Geelong are going to smash them, and I’m going to enjoy it on my day off. Cheers.
Hawthorn: Oh how they mighty have fallen. After coming from nowhere and winning the 2008 premiership (which, I have to admit, is my favourite premiership win of the 2000′s because they rolled Geelong) they have become, well, a laughing stock. It’s as if they believe they are invincible regardless of who is in their team. They play with flair but they can’t back it up anymore. Too many of their players seem to believe they are better than what they really are and it shows. Let’s break the Hawthorn team down for you at the moment:
Forwards: Lazy. Franklin can’t get on the park and even when he does he looks half interested. Roughhead is a lazy shot for goal, coming off three steps and missing easy shots. Brown should be playing down back as he’s ineffectual up forward. Rioli has given them a spark but they need him in the middle, while Osborne is terribly out of touch and Moss isn’t replicating last seasons form. To me they represent that really smart kid in Grade 6 who goes on to high school and flunks completely because he can’t be arsed doing the work.
Midfield: Unaccountable. Mitchell, Bateman and Lewis are terrific when things go their way, but they don’t do enough defensively. Renouf is servicable but far from being a number one ruck option. Apart from Rioli they lack any real pace and Collingwood showed them up on Saturday night. Speaking of not doing enough defensively…
Backline: How bad is this? It’s almost as bad as having to sit through a Hanson concert in the front row. Or watch Richond play football. Gilham, Murphy and Schoenmakers are not tall enough or strong enough to handle what comes their way. Guerra and Ladson are out of form and they can’t get any direction coming off half back. Terrible.
The stats show it as well – on Saturday night they had a disposal efficiency of just 69%. That simply isn’t good enough. They had only 20 fewer disposals yet couldn’t hit a target. They were smashed in the tackle count, with Collingwood laying 74 to Hawthorn’s 46. I’d be worried if I was a Hawk fans as things aren’t looking good. They have Sewell, Buddy and Burgoyne to return but they aren’t a premiership contender anymore. It’s a scrape into the 8 and a first round exit for me. But that’s just me…
Western Bulldogs: So the NAB Cup curse is still a…. curse. The Dogs looked pretty good for a half against the Lions and then capitulated badly in the second half to be completely over run. These are not good signs. They looked close to invincible in the NAB Cup and there in lies the problem – the NAB Cup means nothing. It never has and it never will. Just ask Carlton.
But where the game was lost for the Dogs was getting their hands on the footy and they were smashed… let me say that again… SMASHED… when it came to getting their hands on the footy. The Lions had 70 more possessions (50 of those translated into kicks) and had a staggering 72 inside 50′s to 39! I don’t care what sort of forward line you have, if you have 70+ inside 50′s then you will win games of footy. If it hadn’t been for some poor disposal from Brisbane, where they only hit the target 69% of the time, it could have been alot worse. Here is what Rocket Eade had to say about it all:
“Some people had told us that Brisbane had been setting themselves since pre-season for this game so we knew that,” Eade said. “We knew our first six weeks especially was really tough with six-day breaks, interstate travel so we’ve just got to ride through that.”
Indeed. Premiership sides ride through it. St. Kilda and Geelong come to mind. Pretenders can’t do it and, at this early stage, that’s what the Doggies look like.
Robert Murphy: Talk about an absolute stinker of a game! “Bob” Murphy had just the 9 touches, 1 behind and 3 clangers. Ew. Makes me feel a little sick. I highly doubt he’ll play like that again this year but still, for a high profile player, that sucks. Not to mention…
Barry “I’m reformed and I promise not to belt anyone” Hall: Kicked 4 goals in the first half and looked a million bucks and then… didn’t do a thing for the rest of the night. Okay, so the midfield actually has to get the ball down there once in a while but unless it’s served up beautifully on a plate, Barry won’t be doing anything but starting a few fights. Speaking of which, I wouldn’t want to be Adelaide this Friday night. Ben Rutten might cop a punch to the face… again….
Richmond: It hardly seems fair to have the Tigers in here… but then you realise it’s Richmond and their pain is totally self inflicted, so we can make fun of them as much as we like. With several experienced players out, and only one of those because of injury and not stupidity, they put up a fight for a half before cutting themselves in half against a rampant Melbourne side. Did I just type that? Rampant Melbourne side? Good grief! In all seriousness they played like that little kid trying to take on that big bully – gutsy for a while but, in the end, we all know what the end result is going to be.
Let’s look at the stats shall we… Melbourne had 431 disposals to 319. Ouch. Melbourne took 109 marks to 80, had 42 hitouts to 30 (Melbourne only had one ruckman for God’s sake!) and kicked 20 goals to 11. Not to mention the fact that Richmond allowed Melbourne to hit the target almost 80% of the time while hitting the target themselves a lousy 69% of the time. It’s going to be a long, long, loooooooooong season for Tiger fans and this game was probably the only chance they had for a win. Poor old Damien Hardwick, how he wishes there were only 3 quarters in a game of footy because…
“For three quarters we were okay, but in that third quarter we let ourselves down badly,” he said. “If you take the third quarter out of the game, we lose by 11-points.”
Too bad it’s FOUR quarters hey Damien? Why not take out the last quarter as well, that way you only lose by 6 points!! Brilliant!!!!
Coburg Tigers: A quick mention to Richmond’s reserves side (I like to punch teams when they’re down, so sue me!) who, with a string of “experienced” players in their line up, were expected to easily account for the stand alone Frankston side. They couldn’t even do that. P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C. When it hurts, it REALLY hurts…
Port Adelaide: Let’s have some fun with dot points, shall we?
A 95 point loss. Ouch.
11.7 to 1.0 in the third quarter, a new record for the Cats. Double Ouch.
The allowed big Podsiadly to not only kick 5 goals but to become some creepy cult figure down at the Cattery. Triple Ouch.
Geelong had 130 more disposals, 23 more inside 50′s, 40 more marks and a disposal efficiency of 80%. Quadruple ouch!
Need I say anymore about this game? I didn’t think so. It’s games like these that remind me why I started this blog in the first place!
Tom Harley day: They really are a bunch of wankers down at the Cattery aren’t they? Instead of just doing a lap of honour for the guy they have to make a DAY for him. Lame. Lame. LAME!
Fremantle: Before I anaylse where I believe Fremantle really are in the scheme of the season, I do give them plenty of credit for the crack they had against the Saints. They could have rolled over but they didn’t. They stuck with the Saints for 3 quarters and then the cream rose to the top and they were beaten.
But I don’t want to just look at the Saints game – it seems to me that people have jumped on the Dockers a little quickly this season. They won their first 3 games of the season but, when we look at it much more closely, it’s easy to see that their three wins aren’t all that…. convincing.
Round 1 – they roll Adelaide at home by 10 goals. Adelaide? They haven’t won a game for the season and they don’t look like doing so any time soon. Plus they played them at Subiaco in front of a… shall we say… rabid?… fan base that wanted to see some blood early in the season.
Round 2 – they make the trek across to Etihad to face… the Bombers, and you know how much I love the Bombers right now. Essendon have won one game all year against Carlton who are just like your bi-polar girlfriend. Yeah, they won in Melbourne for the first time since the start of the Cold War but check out the opposition. A half decent Under 18 side could roll the Bombers right now.
Round 3 – The BIG WIN OVER GEELONG OH MY GOD!!!! So Geelong was missing Ottens, Scarlett, Mooney, Milburn… need I say anymore? Plus the game was at Subiaco, on their home turf. Had they won at Skilled, well, that may be a different matter. But Geelong were not full strength and therefore much easier to beat, something they did by just 7 points. Not convincing.
Round 4 – They come back to Melbourne to face a St. Kilda side minus Riewoldt and Kosi. Not to mention a banged up Hayes and a half conscious Sam Fisher. Plus they are still playing Zac Dawson… anyway they came, they saw, they lost. If they EVER had ANY chance of rolling the Saints it was this game and they allowed Stephen Milne to kick 5 goals (Goddard kicked 5 as well but, you know, he’s not an annoying little rat!) and they rolled over in the last quarter to lose which prompted everyone to say how gallant they were in defeat. Yep, they had a crack, kudos to them. But in my opinion it was a game they should have won.
So let’s recap – 2 wins against potential bottom 4 sides, a stumble over the line against a team missing half their spine and a loss to another team that’s missing half their spine. NOT. CONVINCED. Plus they play Richmond this weekend. God how I’d love them to capitulate and get rolled…. maybe the footy Gods are listening for once….
Essendon – No one REALLY expected them to back up after last week did they? Essendon are renowned for their performances against Carlton, regardless of form, and it gave us no indication of how they would really go. Well, if we’re being honest, it kind of did. Essendon were smashed by the Eagles and the statistics are damning, no more so than the fact that they let the Eagles kick seven straight goals from the end of the first quarter until half time. The Eagles only had a little more of the ball, but they had 30 more kicks than handballs, while the Bombers went handball happy and had 20 more of them than kicks. Correct me if I’m wrong but you need to kick the FOOTball to win games, don’t you? They fumbled all night long, missed targets and turned the ball over continually in their back half. They had 90 tackles, which means they were sticking, but also meaning that they were second to the ball on far too many occasions.
And Matthew Knights was not happy. Here’s what he had to say about it:
“It was a very disappointing night for the football club tonight, because we’d won our first game of the year and come into tonight with good momentum, but some of the football we played was appalling,”
Two things here:
1. – How is winning one game good momentum? You looked like rubbish in your first two games and then stumbled over the line against the Blues. That’s not good momentum, it’s simply your first victory of the year. And:
2. – Appaling is an apt word to describe their performance. Pathetic and disgraceful would also fit nicely. But what I agree with even more is this comment from Knights:
“To be blunt with you, I wasn’t even that impressed with the fact we scored goals late. You’ve got to perform at your best when the game’s there to be won early and we didn’t do that.”
Exactly. I can’t stand it when teams come out after a loss where they kicked 6 or 7 in the last quarter and claim they had a crack. No, you didn’t have a crack. You fell over and died in the first half and only came back to life because they took the foot off the pedal and revived you themselves. Even worse is when they talk up their young kids looking good… in the last quarter! What were Melksham, Colyer, Dempsey etc doing when the game was on the line? Not much. Fail. Speaking of fail…
Essendon “forward” line: The Bombers could have stuck bollards in their forward line and gotten better production last night. Or maybe even Jay Neagle. Or possible Aaron Henneman. How about Mark Bolton? Either way their so called “forwards” were complete poo last night. Gumbleton, Hurley and Williams kicked 3 goals… between them, and the Williams goal was a gimme handpass in the first quarter. What, Hurley missed a few weeks? That’s because he belted a taxi driver, not because he was injured. Gumbleton is terrible and had 2 touches to half time! And Mark Williams is only any good when the ball is hitting him on the chest. Don’t ask him to chase or tackle or put on any pressure because he can’t be bothered. How Bomber fans wish Knights hadn’t been a prick and let Lloyd stick around!
Daniel Kerr: Make that yet another serious hamstring injury! There is no joke about that, but isn’t it interesting how when it rains with injuries, it pours! First Riewoldt, then Gibson and now Kerr. I actually think that this will do some good for the Eagles as I don’t rate Kerr anymore. He looked good with Cousins and Judd around him but he can’t handle tags and he’s too busy trying to belt people than get the footy. And I was dumb enough to take him in my Supercoach team because his price was too good to ignore. Yes, I’m an idiot.
North Melbourne: You know who North remind me of? That team in a local competition who gets a new coach, talks up the year ahead and all the improvement… and then doesn’t deliver. It happens every year, right? Scott even talked up finals! Way to set the expectation bar too high there Brad. You should stick to belting Riewoldt when he’s injured. So the Roos stuck with Sydney for a half and then fell in a heap, kicking only 2 goals for the second half and botching the ball all afternoon. Their disposal efficiency was a paltry 70% and they allowed the Swans to have the football 70 more times. You won’t win games of football doing that. They were out of their depth and Scott knew it – even though he had a slight crack at the kids!
Said Scott: “We’ve got a young midfield but it’s not as if they’re little kids… I mean Jack Ziebell’s 19 but he’s a big kid, he’s a 90-kilogram midfielder who doesn’t get pushed around.”
They may not be little kids Brad but, in terms of football experience, they’re just kids. I know lots of 19 year olds who are heavier than that, but if they don’t have the experience on the field then it means little. Blaming them for the loss is not the way to go.
The “BIG” 3: We are talking about the North ruck division here, in case you hadn’t guessed. While you could say that McIntosh was servicable at best, Hale didn’t do much and Goldstein looks as if he shouldn’t go near a football ever again. David Hale has always intrigued me… one week he can go out and kick 7 goals against Geelong and the next he’ll play his disappearing act and give North nothing. How they long for Petrie… well Brad Scott does.
“…clearly we’d like to have Petrie back in our forward line and that may change the structure of the side…”
May change? Don’t you mean “OH GOD GET HIM BACK IN OUR SIDE QUICKLY!!?!?!” I thought you did.
Sydney: They let North stay in the game for waaaaaay too long. Not good enough. Yeah, they won, but it’s still not good enough. Plus the recruit of the year, Ben McGlynn, did his hammy. No more cheap over the back goals for you Benny!! Karma can be a bitch!
Adelaide Crows: What in the world has happened here? The Crows’ season is officially over and their corpse has been laid to rest. Early call, I know, but when you are 0-4, lost two games at home AND lost to Melbourne, then there isn’t much hope left. But the stats and the scoreline are baffling to say the least. The Blues had almost 400 touches, 40 more than the Crows, yet the Crows when inside 50 5 more times, had more clearances than the Blues and and also had five more free kicks! So where did they go wrong? Their goal kicking. They had 25 five scoring shots to 23, yet they kick 6.19 to the Blue 16.7 and got rolled by 8 goals. That’s unforgivable football. I’m right behind everyone in the media and the football world who say that teams simply don’t put enough emphasis on goal kicking anymore. If you needed anymore proof, then look no further than this game. The Crows kick straight, they win. Don’t tell Neil Craig that their season is over. Oh no!
Said Craig: “Rest assured there’ll be no giving up on that sort of ambition. If we continue to play like we are well then those sorts of top-four top-eight (ambitions) eventually dry up, but no way (will we give up).”
We believe you Neil, we believe you. See you in 2011. Let me know when you’ve accepted that fate.
Kurt Tippett: The hysteria around this guy at the end of last year was astronomical. In fact it hit ridiculous territory at some stages, but when you’re hot, you’re hot. And when you’re cold, you’re cold. And that’s exactly what Tippett is. While he may have been hampered by the injury sustained last week again Melbourne, he had only 9 touches, took just 2 marks and kicked 3 behinds, and one of those was from point blank range. Yes, it’s another fail, and this personifies their team at the moment. Too many of them are not working hard enough and it shows.
Chris “Mr. Miyagi” Judd: Good to see you back Juddy. If you’ve got time, we’d love to see the new karate moves you learnt over the summer. You might need them next week against Geelong.
So here we are: Round 4. Last weekend was huuuuuuuuge and means that this Round will probably be a let down. How can you top the Malthouse shenanigans, Riewoldt doing a hammy, Freo winning THREE GAMES IN A ROW and Carlton getting rolled by the insipid mess that is Essendon? There are some awful games ahead this week, so let’s take a look at them – predicted winners are in bold.
West Coast vs. Essendon – The Eagles will “ring” in a victory in this one! Har har har! The Eagles may have got fined for their actions but wouldn’t it be an expensive long distance call from Etihad all the way back to Perth on a mobile phone? If the Eagles are so loaded why didn’t they just fly him here with the team? Ugh…. anyway, this will be an awful game with the Eagles too good at home. Scott Gumbleton will struggle to get more than 7 touches. Watch for it!
North Melbourne vs. Sydney – Loving the look of the Swans this year and, well, North are crap. I don’t know if anyone else saw the article in the Hun today about the Roos possibly extending the contract of Daniel Wells. How ridiculous is that? Check out the talk of his 33 possession game roaming across half back against the Eagles. My mum, with one arm tied behind her back, could do that against the Eagles at the moment! Swans easily.
Adelaide vs. Carlton – Probably the AFawfuL game of the round, challenged only by the Richmond and Melbourne game on Sunday. Both teams stink to high heaven, Adelaide has more injuries than all 15 clubs combined and Carlton are… Carlton. They must HATE Brendan Fevola! They did the right thing trading him after one too many off field meltdowns, but their forward line is complete slop and they can’t kick scores. Adelaide at home for me.
Collingwood vs. Hawthorn – Collingwood had the chance to roll over a St. Kilda side minus their two key forwards and instead fell in a heap and looked poor. Fail. Hawthorn can’t get it right and are too busy either going the man or getting raped by big key forwards and through the ruck. Fail. Pies to bounce back only because I have slightly more confidence in them than the Hawks.
Brisbane Lions vs. Western Bulldogs – Match of the round and nothing awful about this game. Both teams are flying but Doggies have the edge, especially through the middle. I’m interested to see how long the Brown/Fev partnership can last…
Richmond vs. Melbourne - Are Richmond shooting to be the worst side since Fitzroy before they merged with Brisbane? Sure Melbourne weren’t much better over the last 3 years but bugger me, Richmond is a complete shambles. Their centre line of Martin, Deledio and Cotchin is the ONLY decent thing about their line up. Melbourne are finally…. FINALLY… showing something and thank god for that.
Oh, and check out Hardwick HERE! I find it hilarious he only just worked out that Richmond players lack any balls. Can’t get them on the field either.
Geelong vs. Port Adelaide – So the Cats ran out of steam over in Freo. So what? They can’t win every game and without Ottens, Mooney, Scarlett and Milburn they still run them to the wire. They get all 4 back this week. Port are going to get SMASHED! You know what Port are? They’re like that girl you see from a distance who looks really good, then when you get closer she doesn’t look that good at all and you feel like a dickhead for thinking she did. That’s Port. First 2 games they rolled 2 of the worst sides in the comp in West Coast and North. Then they get thumped at home by the Lions. Yep, I didn’t get fooled and I hope you didn’t too.
St. Kilda vs. Fremantle – Oh Freo, how everyone wants to tip you this week… and we can’t. Even after 3 straight wins, we just can’t do it. You’ve let us down SO many times over the years that it’s going to take more than 3 wins to win our trust back. Kudos for the first 3 rounds and I’m sure that you’ll go close, but the Saints are a well oiled machine, even without Roo.
And when will Roo be back? First it’s 6-8 weeks, then 12-16 weeks, then possibly not until next year, then Roo says he’ll be back this year… any chance of resting on one and going with it? The Saints will still make the Top 4 but adjusting to life without Riewoldt will get harder and harder as the year progresses. Interested to see how they do…
Stay tuned for the AFawfuL Weekend reviews over the coming days…
"Shit, I can't come within 5 metres of players anymore..."
Jonathan Brown said it much better than I could – The bump is well and truly dead! Well, it’s dead sometimes when it suits the AFL and the tribunal. This decision to suspend Buddy is nothing more than a joke – did the tribunal even look at the footage? I don’t care what anyone says, Buddy was trying to pull out when he made contact and Akermanis fell over like he’d been shot by a Japanese soldier hiding somewhere in the third row. Buddy was right to fight it (usually when they “fight” the charge it’s a lost cause already) and the tribunal was wrong to uphold the suspension.
What I don’t understand is the blatant inconsistency that the tribunal continually shows to the rest of the world. Josh Kennedy lays a shepherd during a practice game that breaks Colin Sylvia’s jaw and he has NO case to answer! So what if they didn’t really have any footage – HE BROKE HIS JAW! That’s a head high hit right there! Last time I check the jaw wasn’t located on the knee or hip areas, it’s located on the face. Kennedy gets away with it and Buddy cops a one match ban for a love tap. It’s a disgrace and the sooner the tribunal and the AFL wakes up to this rubbish the better off we will all be.
I feel sorry for you Buddy – thank christ you aren’t in my Supercoach team! I’ll leave that to Riewoldt and bloody Kurt Tippett!!!
So… it’s nice to be back. The internet, which was awful in itself (I’m directing that at YOU Netspace!) is back in action and therefore I can update this blog. It’s ironic really as there has been SO much to write about over the last few weeks and I haven’t had the opportunity to do so – that’s pretty awful from my point of view. Anyway, the main point is that I’m back and looking forward to giving you the worst in Australian Football. There will be weekly updates, the weekend review, tips and bets for the weekend. Most of all I want to have fun and I want you to enjoy reading it – after all, that’s the point, isn’t it? So without further delay, here’s some awful to kick things off:
Mick Malthouse and Eddie: C’mon, admit it – you can see Malthouse say the word “rapist” on that video. Look nice and close. He sure as hell isn’t telling his players not to get involved. Try it yourself in front of the mirror! Say “rapist” and “don’t get involved” and you will see an amazing difference. And this is why no-one on the planet can understand why Malthouse tried to make out he did anything different on Friday night. His excuse that he was trying not to make the situation any worse was ridiculous. How hard would it have been to say this:
“Look, I said a few things out there in the heat of the moment that probably weren’t appropriate. Sometimes that happens and while I’m not proud of that I felt I had to stand up for my players at the time. Footy does that to you!”
But, no, we didn’t get that. We got a bullshit excuse. And now Malthouse is deservedly branded a liar, because that’s what he is. I’m not saying for a second that coaches don’t lie as they all do, but Malthouse made a blue and then blatantly lied about it as the footage shows. When it all came out and the media confronted him he had nothing to say because he knew he had made a dick of himself. And what he had to say on Friday night and the way he handled it after smacked of arrogance and it was extremely pleasing to see him sprung and caught in a lie.
What made all this even worse was Eddie. For all the “intelligence” he seems to have he can be the dumbest president in football… well, dumb enough to argue with anyone within ear shot that Matty Lokan was a gun for Collingwood. He made sure that he blindly stuck by Mick and then stuck it right up St. Kilda but not wanting to give them apology for the slop his coach served up. Again, this is your typical Collingwood arrogance and failure to simply admit to making a mistake. Hey, we all make them!
Collingwood have once again tarnished their name and Mick, in my humble opinion, has gotten off lightly with a $7500 fine. But it’s nice of him to act like a liar and a child – makes my job so much easier!
The Richmond Four: Let me make this very clear from the beginning – Damien Hardwick will make a terrific coach one day and it was the right decision for the Tigers to make. He’s a tough nut and he won’t tolerate rubbish behaviour from a club that is simply that – rubbish. But bugger me with a fish fork has he got a HUGE job ahead of him! The Richmond footy club is a joke and has been for about 20 years. Their culture is a disgrace and their list looks more like an Under 16 B team than an AFL list. Regardless of what he has done over the last 6 months their culture is going to take years to improve and their is no better example than what happened on the weekend.
Connors, McGuane, Cousins, Polo – out waaaaay too late. Dickhead decision number 1. Connors gets on the turps for waaaaaay too long. Dickhead decision number 2 (although, let’s be honest, I’d be drinking myself silly if I played for Richmond as well!!). Connors goes nuts and tries to beat his own team mates up for no apparent reason. Dickhead decision number 3 (but I’d take a swing at Cousins too if given the chance). The ONLY good decision was the harsh penalty sent down by the club – 8 weeks for Connors, 1 week for the other 3 who weren’t drunk but involved in the incident none the less. DICKHEADS!! Spell it out for me boys! With everything we know about drinking today and how badly it can hurt clubs these dickheads still do it. I’ll never understand it.
But, like Mick, kudos to you boys for making my job easier. And for continuing to make Richmond look hilariously bad. It can only be a good thing!
This blog is supposed to be updated at least every second day with the very best of the worst of Australian Rules Football. I was having a blast writing about it for a few weeks and was looking forward to the start of the season when truly awful things would happen and I could giggle about it like a little school girl. Like Fev and Lara, the Ablett fiasco and the same old Tigers from last night. But, alas, at the moment I can’t. Why you may ask?
Because of Netspace. They are about as useful as a steaming pile of turds wrapped in a blanket. I moved house recently and I’m still waiting for these pricks to get my internet up and going. Without it I can’t do the blog – I need to turn up to work early to simply post this!!! Hell, it generally takes 20 minutes just to get through on the phone to them to explain that their service is like getting an arrow through the neck and then realizing there is a gas bill attached to it!!
So, here’s the deal – if anyone out there is actually reading this blog or comes across it in the new week or so, don’t worry – the moment I have the internet this blog will be updated. Regularly!!!! How I long for that day…. So stay tuned because the worst of the AFL will be heard!!!
